It will be Father's Day on Sunday. Sons and daughters will be out there doing nice things for their fathers or those whose fathers have passed on will be saying nice things about their dads. They have fond memories of the males who helped make them. What do I remember most about Bob White? Daddy was a drunk.
That fact colored the whole of my life from 1944 to 1971 ... more than a quarter of a century of alcohol until his last attempt at sobriety took hold and he became a recovering drunk for the last ten years of his life until 1981. For the ten years from 1971 to 1981, I got a once a year visit that usually included a "you are just like your mother" lecture when he was trying to work the "make amends" step and I was tolerant as he tried to talk to me while I stubbornly sipped a cocktail in front of him over dinner. Can we say this was a difficult relationship?
I've been known to write poetry, so what did I write about my dad?
Daddy sold the piano that was my life
Thirty years late he died
I said that I forgave him
I think he knew I lied
So given all the above, particularly the gypsy existence and the emotionally devastating (though I didn't say anything) loss of the piano, why did I cry for three days when his last wife called to say he had died and I wasn't able to get to Arizona? Why did my son who never comes unglued come totally unglued and get into the only fist fight of his life while in the Army in Germany? Why do I send daisies (gowans in Scots) to him every Memorial Day for Auld Lang Syne? Why did I make a trip to Scotland just to see where he was born, and why to this day do I still miss my daddy? Because at some point in our lives most of us become orphans. In order to grow up you finally have to see and accept your parents as human beings with all of their failings and virtues. This is a love story about my daddy.
Let's start with the simple things. From birth to 17 I may have spent six years total in his presence and that is as a result of adding days together not much living with. So why do I remember daddy holding my hand as we climbed the stairs to the club house at Hollywood Park, Santa Anita, or Del Mar and why to this day do I love horse racing? Why do I remember learning to dance with my feet on his shoes and to this day I love dancing. Why do I remember him soused and still able to count cards at blackjack or points in Cribbage at lightning speed because he was a mathematical genius, and to this day I love to play cards (His great granddaughter that he met when she was six weeks old got the math skills). Why did he send me postcards from every state line on Route 66 that he crossed when I was seven? To this day I love getting behind a wheel just for the sheer joy of driving and want to echo as much of that trip as possible, even though it scared me to death when he rolled a car while driving drunk. Why do I remember that he borrowed a mink stole from a girlfriend so that I could wear it to the Balboa Bay Club on my 16th birthday and dance to "My Funny Valentine" with my father? To this day that is my one of my favorite songs. And for all the drinks that caused all the pain, I still love cabarets and piano bars and all the dark places with candle lit tables where you can actually hear the lyrics to a well written song.
Interspersed with all of the above are a whole lot of ugly memories that you don't need to know except that he was a kind, gentle man who never raised a hand to anyone he loved. Embarrassed them horribly - Yes and made them angry - Yes. Life around this man wasn't easy. He was literate, funny, musical, all sorts of charming - enough to get himself married three times for ten years each, not to mention the girlfriends in between.
So I'm 65, two years older than my dad when he died, and Sunday is Father's Day. Last May he would have been 91. Not impossible as his father lived to be 89. If alcohol and the damage it did to his heart hadn't done him in, he could have been here to see his grandchildren and great grandchildren. He isn't here. That is a shame, because my son and I are the only ones left to remember and laugh every time we watch the "Show Me The Way To Go Home" scene in Jaws, because it was one of his favorite songs when drinking, and why Amanda McBroom'ssong Errol Flynn always gets to me. If Ms. McBroom and I ever meet we can talk about memories of daddies and Union Station. In the meantime, here she is singing her love song for her daddy and in many ways mine as well. You see. My daddy was a drunk.
The song above is simply my favorite. It was written by Amanda McBroom about her father, and I could hug her for doing so. There are hundreds of songs I love or ones that are tied to memories both good and bad, but I cried the first time I heard this one, called NPR to get the title that I had missed, went out and bought the same day, and more than 20 years later I still tear up when I hear it. I could go into therapy for the next decade to find out why, but it is much easier to simply play it and feel better afterwards, then go back to living. The part that hooks me every time is the bridge:
Now fame Is Fleeting and stars they keep fallin' Staying right up there that's the business of art She long kisses some, and she passes by others Disappointment and bourbon are hard on the heart.
(waterworks start here)
Staying famous is darn hard work, and for the audience, the cultural parade can pass you by unless you really work at keeping up. Frequently, the entertainment news comes on and they mention people that I either don't know or have heard of vaguely only in passing through son or grandson. A little of this parade can be seen in the movies such as Same Time Next Year that starts in 1951 and moves through almost three decades in ever changing vignettes. As the pictures between scenes flash by, I can tell you the year that matches each one. Put my grandson in front of that parade and he wouldn't be able to identify any of them unless it had just been covered as "history" in school. In 1951 I was seven. The adult woman character in the movie gives her favorite "movie star" as "Lon McAllister". As an adult watching the movie for the first time in 1978 when I was 34, my reaction was, "Lon Who?". All of this is a round about way to bring us to Today in History when on April 15, 1927 Douglas Fairbanks, Mary Pickford, and Norma and Constance Talmadge became the first celebrities to leave their footprints in cement at Grauman's Chinese Theater. The future Hollywood landmark was still under construction at the time.
Ever since "stars" have been adding their foot and hand prints and tourists have been trying to place their, for the most part, too large feet and hands in those, for the most part, too small prints. Movie stars have been described as "little people with big heads" and they aren't always talking about their egos but a matter of photography and what the camera "loves" on screen. You can look down the list below to see who is there. How many do you either know about or remember? Who was "long kissed" or "passed by"?
1920s
Norma & Constance Talmadge (post dated for the opening day May 18, 1927) Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks (post dated for the opening day May 18, 1927) Norma Shearer (August 1, 1927) Harold Lloyd (November 21, 1927) William S. Hart (November 28, 1927) Tom Mix and Tony the Wonder Horse (December 12, 1927) Colleen Moore (December 19, 1927) Gloria Swanson (circa 1927) Constance Talmadge (circa 1927) Pola Negri (April 2, 1928) Bebe Daniels (May 11, 1929) Marion Davies (May 13, 1929) Janet Gaynor (May 29, 1929) Joan Crawford (September 14, 1929) Despite claims by some that he did and that they were later removed, Charlie Chaplin never placed his handprints in the cement at the theatre.
1930s
Ann Harding (August 30, 1930) Raoul Walsh (November 14, 1930) Wallace Beery and Marie Dressler (January 31, 1931) Jackie Cooper (December 12, 1931) Eddie Cantor (March 9, 1932) Diana Wynyard (January 26, 1933) The Marx Brothers (February 17, 1933) Jean Harlow (September 25 and September 29, 1933) Maurice Chevalier and Jeanette MacDonald (December 4, 1934) Shirley Temple (March 14, 1935) Joe E. Brown (March 5, 1936) Al Jolson (March 12, 1936) Freddie Bartholomew (April 4, 1936) Bing Crosby (April 8, 1936) Victor McLaglen (May 25, 1936) William Powell and Myrna Loy (October 20, 1936) Clark Gable and Woody Van Dyke (January 20, 1937) Dick Powell and Joan Blondell (February 10, 1937) Fredric March (April 21, 1937) May Robson (April 22, 1937) Tyrone Power and Loretta Young (May 31, 1937) Sonja Henie (June 28, 1937) The Ritz Brothers (September 22, 1937) Eleanor Powell (December 23, 1937) Don Ameche (January 27, 1938) Fred Astaire (February 4, 1938) Deanna Durbin (February 7, 1938) Alice Faye and Tony Martin (March 20, 1938) Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy (July 20, 1938) Jean Hersholt (October 11, 1938) Mickey Rooney (October 18, 1938) Nelson Eddy (December 28, 1938) Ginger Rogers (September 5, 1939) Judy Garland (October 10, 1939) Jane Withers (November 6, 1939)
1940s
Linda Darnell (March 18, 1940) Rosa Grauman and George Raft (March 25, 1940) John Barrymore (September 5, 1940) Jack Benny (January 13, 1941) Carmen Miranda (March 24, 1941) Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Taylor (June 11, 1941) Rudy Vallee (July 21, 1941) Cecil B. DeMille (August 7, 1941) The Family of Judge James K. Hardy (August 15, 1941) Abbott and Costello (December 8, 1941) Edward Arnold (January 6, 1942) Joan Fontaine (May 26, 1942) Red Skelton (June 18, 1942) Greer Garson (July 23, 1942) Henry Fonda, Rita Hayworth, Charles Boyer, Edward G. Robinson, and Charles Laughton (July 24, 1942) Bob Hope and Dorothy Lamour (February 5, 1943) Betty Grable (February 15, 1943) Monty Woolley (May 28, 1943) Gary Cooper (August 13, 1943) Esther Williams and Private Joe Brian (August 1, 1944) Gene Tierney (January 24,1945) Jack Oakie (February 21, 1945) Jimmy Durante (October 31, 1945) Sid Grauman (January 24, 1946) Irene Dunne and Rex Harrison (July 8, 1946) Margaret O'Brien (August 15, 1946) Humphrey Bogart (August 21, 1946) Louella Parsons (September 30, 1946) Ray Milland (April 17, 1947) Lauritz Melchior (November 17, 1947) James Stewart (February 13, 1948) Van Johnson (March 25, 1948) George Jessel (March 1, 1949) Roy Rogers and Trigger (April 21, 1949) Richard Widmark and Charles Nelson (April 24, 1949) Jeanne Crain (October 17, 1949) Jean Hersholt (October 20, 1949) Anne Baxter and Gregory Peck (December 15, 1949) Gene Autry and Champion (December 23, 1949)
1950s
John Wayne (January 25, 1950) Lana Turner (May 24, 1950) Bette Davis (November 6, 1950) William Lundigan (December 29, 1950) Cary Grant (July 16, 1951) Susan Hayward (August 10, 1951) Hildegard Knef (as Hildegarde Neff) (December 13, 1951) Oskar Werner (December 13, 1951) Jane Wyman (September 17, 1952) Ava Gardner (October 21, 1952) Clifton Webb (December 7, 1952) Olivia de Havilland (December 9, 1952) Adolph Zukor (January 5, 1953) Ezio Pinza (January 26, 1953) Donald O'Connor and mother Effie (February 25, 1953) Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell (June 26, 1953) Jean Simmons (September 24, 1953) Danny Thomas (January 26, 1954) James Mason (March 30, 1954) Alan Ladd (May 12, 1954) Edmund Purdom (August 30, 1954) Van Heflin (October 8, 1954) George Murphy (November 8, 1954) Yul Brynner and Deborah Kerr (March 22, 1956) Elizabeth Taylor, Rock Hudson, and George Stevens (September 26, 1956) Elmer C. Rhoden (September 16, 1958) Rosalind Russell (February 19, 1959)
1960s
Cantinflas (December 28, 1960) Doris Day (January 19, 1961) Natalie Wood (December 5, 1961) Charlton Heston (January 18, 1962) Sophia Loren (July 26, 1962) Kirk Douglas (November 1, 1962) Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward (May 25, 1963) Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine (June 29, 1963) Mervyn LeRoy (October 15, 1963) Hayley Mills (February 22, 1964) Dean Martin (March 21, 1964) Peter Sellers (June 3, 1964) Debbie Reynolds (January 14, 1965) Marcello Mastroianni (February 8, 1965) Frank Sinatra (July 20, 1965) Julie Andrews (March 26, 1966) Dick Van Dyke (June 25, 1966) Steve McQueen (March 21, 1967) Sidney Poitier (June 23, 1967) Anthony Quinn (December 21, 1968) Danny Kaye (October 19, 1969) Gene Kelly (November 24, 1969)
1970s
Francis X. Bushman (November 17, 1970) Ali MacGraw (December 14, 1972) Jack Nicholson (June 17, 1974) Tom Bradley and Ted Mann (May 18, 1977) The Chinese Theatre's 50th Anniversary (May 24, 1977) C-3PO (Anthony Daniels), R2-D2, and Darth Vader (August 3, 1977) George Burns (January 25, 1979)
1980s
John Travolta (June 2, 1980) Burt Reynolds (September 24, 1981) Rhonda Fleming (September 28, 1981) Sylvester Stallone (June 29, 1983) George Lucas and Steven Spielberg (May 16, 1984) Donald Duck and Clarence Nash (May 21, 1984) Clint Eastwood (August 21, 1984) Mickey Rooney (February 18, 1986) Eddie Murphy and Hollywood's 100th Anniversary (May 14, 1987)
1990s
Gene Roddenberry, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, Nichelle Nichols, James Doohan, George Takei, and Walter Koenig (December 5, 1991) Harrison Ford (June 4, 1992) Michael Keaton (June 15, 1992) Tom Cruise (June 15, 1992) Mel Gibson (August 23, 1993) Arnold Schwarzenegger (July 14, 1994) Meryl Streep (September 25, 1994) Whoopi Goldberg (February 2, 1995) Bruce Willis (May 18, 1995) Steven Seagal (July 10, 1995) Jim Carrey (November 1, 1995) Johnny Grant (May 13, 1997) Robert Zemeckis (July 8, 1997) Michael Douglas (September 10, 1997) Al Pacino (October 16, 1997) Denzel Washington (January 15, 1998) Walter Matthau (April 2, 1998) Warren Beatty (May 21, 1998) Danny Glover (July 7, 1998) Tom Hanks (July 23, 1998) Robin Williams (December 22, 1998) Susan Sarandon (January 11, 1999) William F. "Bill" Hertz (March 18, 1999) Ron Howard (March 23, 1999) Sean Connery (April 13, 1999) Richard Gere (July 26, 1999) Terry Semel and Bob Daly (September 30, 1999)
2000s
Anthony Hopkins (January 11, 2001) Nicolas Cage (August 14, 2001) Martin Lawrence (November 19, 2001) John Woo (May 21, 2002) Morgan Freeman (June 5, 2002) Christopher Walken (October 8, 2004) Jack Valenti (December 6, 2004) Sherry Lansing (February 16, 2005) Adam Sandler (May 17, 2005) Johnny Depp (September 16, 2005) Samuel L. Jackson (January 30, 2006) Kevin Costner (September 6, 2006) Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Matt Damon, and Jerry Weintraub (June 5, 2007) Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint (July 9, 2007) Johnny Grant (July 9 2007) placed hands and footprints in cement 2nd time Will Smith (December 10, 2007) Michael Caine (July 11, 2008) Zac Efron (April 14,2009)
If it has seemed matter of fact up to now, it is because all of these old ghosts were laid to rest years ago with a story. So this time out begins with the beginning of that story and ends with the song that was written by Amanda McBroom about her father, the actor, and sung many years after my father died that finally made me cry for my daddy, the accountant.
The pretty balls whirled above the child’s head. Daddy had bought a small circus for the day and it was only right to name the spinning circles after those she loved. Blue – Aunt Ruth, green – Uncle Don, red and yellow for mommy and daddy; the pink one was Aunt Helen, orange for Wanda, white for Duane and you run out of colors and balls for Butch and Sandy, Claudia Jo and Donna Ruth, Grandmother and Pampa. The girl cried because there weren’t enough colors to go around and she just knew one of the ever faster moving globes would drop and ruin the show.
Front row seats at the Ice Capades. Chubby fingers reach out to touch the back of a skater resting in the dark waiting for her cue to skate out into the lights. She’s warm daddy. The skaters flashed among the rainbow lights of a fairytale world. They’re warm; they’re real. But the show was over. The lights went out. The fairytale ended in a bar with daddy. Just one honey and we will go home. There are no real happy endings.
The princess wore gold satin and white majorette boots with tassels. The winning number is -------. Blinded by the flashing cameras she was lifted down by one of her many cheering adult attendants. The gold typewriter was gone and they all went to watch the stripper. How could you? The fight went on into the early hours as she buried her head in the pillow to muffle the sounds from the next room.
You have to put her in school. Mother argued with the man above the child’s head. She’s too young, barely five, she will never keep up. Test her, please. She can do it. The first in a series of tests started. They would continue for years at each new school. She has the mind of a ten year old. We will put her in the third grade to start. No, keep her as close to the right age group as possible. The child sat politely still among the rest of the furniture and listened. Give her the books. She will learn on her own. She was different – the teacher’s pet – the outsider – the smart one – alone.
She had become a juggler with colorless balls: Mother, father, aunts and uncles, teachers, schoolmates, a happy face for each role. There was no one like her. Hold them in the air. If allowed to fall, the world will end. California, Arizona, New Mexico, Washington, Oregon, Nevada, and California again: It was her own great circle tour. The dream started. She faced the long winding road, running always faster as the shadowy figures pursued. There was now a stepfather, a stepmother, two stepsisters, another stepfather and how many of mother’s friends; she forgot. Home was where she happened to be that night. "Here is your ticket honey. Get off the bus in Fresno; call a cab and give this note to Casey. She will keep you until I have a place again." Planes, trains, buses, all the dusty terminals of the Western U.S. became more than familiar. They were places without anyone she knew, which made them friends.
"You lousy, mother-fuckin’, son-of-a-bitchin’ bastard --- " The litany went on into the night. Dad made phone calls when he drank. Get up again. It’s only 4 a.m., and self-appointed guardians keep dawn watches. Daddy, I love you. Talk to me. Please talk to me. That’s the closet, not the bathroom. I’ll take care of you. Please! Talk to me. "Stinky, bring your friends home". Oh, daddy, I’m twelve, don’t call me that. "Here’s $20.00 buy yourself a record". Thank you. Go to bed now, please.
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So you daddies and daughters, you sons and you mothers. Remember life's over before it begins. So love one another, and stand close together As close as my dad did to old Errol Flynn
