29 November 2006

Well Just One More

Crest of the Gordon Highlanders

So as to not let my love of all things Scottish slide, I will simply refer you to a website of many things wonderful with a location in the U.S. This is important because you cannot import Haggis by law and Hogmanay is just around the corner. The Caledonian Kitchen has all sorts of cakes in addition to the haggis that can be shipped nationwide as well. Just click on the link at the bottom of the page if you want to take a look around.

28 November 2006

Grandma's Apple Pie

One more recipe, and then back to the real world
Grandma's Apple Pie

This pie is delicious hot with vanilla ice cream or, an old Yankee touch, a slice of cheddar cheese.

6 cups peeled, sliced apples (Idared, Golden Delicious, Jonathan, Granny Smith)
1-tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1/2-cup sugar
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2-teaspoon cinnamon
1/4-teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 tablespoons butter
Pastry for double-crust 9-inch pie

Preheat oven to 450°F.

Combine apples and lemon juice in mixing bowl. Combine sugar, brown sugar, flour, cinnamon and nutmeg; mix well. Pour sugar mixture over apples, and stir to coat. Spoon filling into pastry-lined 9-inch pie pan. Dot with butter.

Transfer top pastry to top of pie, trimming off excess. Fold edges under to seal, and flute rim. Cut slits, decorative or not, into top pastry for steam to escape.

Bake in preheated 450°F oven for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 350°F, and bake for 45 minutes.

27 November 2006

Greek Honey Curls (Diples)

Greek Honey Curls (Diples)

12 eggs
2 tsp baking powder
2 Tbsp cognac or bourbon (optional)
1 orange rind, grated
1/2 cup butter
Pinch salt
2 Tbsp sugar
6 cups flour (approximately)
Vegetable oil, for frying
Pecans, finely chopped

Beat eggs until fluffy; add next 6 ingredients and mix.
Add flour, working with hands to make a smooth dough that does not stick to your hands.
Cut off a piece of dough, keeping remaining dough covered.
Roll piece out flat on floured board as thinly as possible.
Cut rolled-out dough into 4 x 6-inch strips.
Cover cut dough with cloth.
Using 2 forks, drop the strips of dough one at a time into pan of hot oil.
Working quickly, form the strips into rolls or curls with the forks.
Drain on paper towels; place side by side on platter.
Repeat previous steps until all dough is rolled, cut and fried.

Drizzle warmed honey over diples; sprinkle with cinnamon and finely chopped pecans.
Makes about two dozen.

26 November 2006

Vegetarian Lasagna

1 ½ lbs eggplant cut into thin slices
1 tblsp olive oil
½ c chopped onions
1 lb mushrooms sliced
9 lasagna noodles
1 15.5 oz jar spaghetti sauce
8 oz part-skim ricotta cheese
4 oz shredded mozzarella cheese
3 tblsp grated parmesan cheese

Cook lasagna noodles while that's boiling, brown eggplant slices; set aside.

Saute onions and mushrooms in same skillet.

In a 11 x 7 inch baking dish, spoon 1/4 cup of sauce.

Arrange three alternate layers of noodles, ricotta, mushroom mixture, Mozzarella cheese, eggplant slices, sauce, and Parmesan cheese.

Cover and bake about 30 to 40 minutes at 350 until heated through.

Coeur á la Crème

Coeur á la Crème with Fresh Strawberries

(Makes 8 servings)

2 Cups plain nonfat yogurt
2 Cups nonfat ricotta cheese
Grated zest of 1 lemon or orange
¼ Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
8 Giant fresh strawberries, stemmed and sliced

1. Using a food processor or electric mixer, combine the yogurt and ricotta cheese. Process until smooth. Line a colander or basket with a double layer of cheesecloth, letting the cloth drape over the edges. Spoon cheese mixture into center and fold cheesecloth over the top. Place over a bowl or baking dish to catch the whey. Refrigerate for 24 hours.

2. Scrape the cheese away from the cheesecloth and combine with zest and vanilla extract.

3. Line a 3-cup shaped mold or the draining basket with new cheesecloth, letting the excess cloth hang over the edge. Spoon cheese mixture into the mold or basket, smoothing the top. Fold the cheesecloth over the top and refrigerate for 3 hours.

4. Unmold on serving plate and smooth with the back of a spoon if necessary. Surround with sliced berries.

This may also be used as a filling for Cannolis when mixed with fresh fruit rather than candied or as a cheese spread on toast points or crackers

Christmas Fruit Squares

Christmas Fruit Squares (Makes 25)

Butter-flavored cooking spray
¾ Cup sifted cake flour
½ Teaspoon baking power
1/8 Teaspoon salt
1 - Teaspoon ground cinnamon
2/3 Cup spoonable brown sugar substitute
¼ Cup chopped walnuts
½ Cup Chopped peeled apple
½ Cup dried no sugar added dried cherries
½ Cup chopped dried apricots
¼ Cup golden raisins
1 Large egg + 1 large egg white
2 - Tablespoons Fresh orange juice
1 - Tablespoon canola oil

1. Position the rack in the middle of the oven. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a 9-inch (22.5 cm) square baking pan with parchment paper. Lightly coat the paper with cooking spray.

2. In a bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, brown sugar substitute, and walnuts.

3. In a small bowl, combine apple, dried cherries, apricots, and raisins. Add to flour mixture and using your hands, toss the fruits with the flour, separating the fruits and coating them evenly with flour mixture.

4. In a large measuring cup, beat together egg, egg white, orange juice, and oil. Mix well. Add to flour-fruit mixture and stir with a wooden spoon until mixture is thoroughly mixed and evenly moistened.

5. Spoon into prepared pan and press down evenly. Bake for 25 minutes, until top is golden and a tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in the pan on a rack for 10 minutes. Using a sharp knife, cut into 25 squares. Cool completely. Store in an airtight container.

25 November 2006

Beautiful Bread


You will need:
7 cups flour
1 T salt
1/2 cup sugar (or honey)
2 packages yeast + 1/3 cup warm water
1/2 cup oil
4 eggs
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup cold water

This recipe makes the equivalent of 3 braided loaves.

Beat eggs in a small bowl.
In a large bowl mix oil, sugar and salt.
Add boiling water to large bowl and stir until all is dissolved.
Sprinkle yeast into a measuring cup with 1/3-cup warm water. Wait a few minutes, then stir.

Add cold water to mixture in large bowl. (The mixture in the bowl should now be the right temperature to add yeast. If too hot, wait a few minutes; if too cold, put the bowl in the microwave to heat it.)

Add yeast to large bowl.
Add eggs to large bowl, reserving about 1 tablespoon.
Add flour 1 cup at a time, mixing thoroughly after each addition.

Turn out dough onto floured board and knead for 5 minutes, adding more flour as needed (but not too much). Dough is ready if it springs back after being poked with a finger.

Put back into bowl, cover with dishtowel, and put in warm oven (heated to 170-200, and then turned off beforehand) until doubled - about 1 hour.

Turn out onto floured board and knead for 1-2 minutes.

Divide dough into thirds. Take one of the thirds, and knead for another minute. Form into 3 large snakes for braid. For braids, pinch ends of 3 large snakes together and begin braiding. Pinch ends together when done. Place on greased baking sheet. Repeat for 2 other thirds. Turn oven to 350. Brush tops gently with reserved egg. Sprinkle with sesame or poppy seeds, if desired.

Bake for about 30 minutes Times will vary.
Watch for moderate browning on top, but be careful not to allow scorching on bottom.

Remove from pans, and put on dish towels to cool.

24 November 2006

It's Greek To Me


Though often served as a side dish, larger portions of Spanikopita could easily be the main course in a vegetarian meal.

3 pounds spinach (see note)
2 tablespoons coarse salt
1-tablespoon olive oil
1-tablespoon butter
1 medium onion, peeled and chopped
1/2 pound mushrooms, trimmed and sliced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2-teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
6 large eggs
1/2-pound feta cheese, crumbled
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
1 teaspoon crushed dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon crushed dried rosemary
1/4-teaspoon ground nutmeg
10 sheets phyllo dough
1/4-cup olive oil

Rinse spinach leaves vigorously in several changes of cold water; remove the tough stems. Place in a large bowl and sprinkle with coarse salt. Rub salt into the leaves, tearing up the spinach by rubbing it between your hands. Spinach volume will decrease drastically. Rinse off salt. Squeeze excess water from spinach and blot dry with paper towels.

Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C).

Heat first addition of olive oil and butter in a large heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion, mushrooms, garlic, salt and pepper. Sauté until onion is fragrant and translucent and mushrooms are tender, 5 to 7 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside.

Beat eggs in a large bowl. Add feta cheese, Parmesan cheese, spinach and onion/mushroom mixture. Stir in parsley, oregano, rosemary and nutmeg. Place one phyllo sheet in 13x9x2-inch baking pan, letting edges hang over; brush with olive oil. Repeat with four more sheets. Add spinach filling, smoothing to edges with a spatula or wooden spoon. Top with remaining five
phyllo sheets, brushing each with oil, including the top layer. Trim the edges with a small, sharp knife or with scissors.

Bake for 45 to 50 minutes or until thoroughly heated and golden brown on top.

Makes 12 servings.
Note: To substitute frozen spinach, use 2 (10-ounce) packages, thawed and squeezed dry.

Bread Pudding

About 8 servings.
3 cups of half and half
6 egg yolks and 2 eggs beaten.
4 cups brioche or any good egg bread day old or slightly dry, cut to about half inch cubes.
Sugar to taste.
Pinch of salt
½ cup of raisons soaked in Rum for at least and hour and drained.
Cinnamon to taste.

Beat the egg mixture with the half and half and sugar until the sugar dissolves completely.
Then poor the mixture into the bread and let soak for about 1 hour or until nice and soppy J
Mix in the raisons and poor into about 1 and a half quart dish.
Bake at 350 in double boiler like situation.

In other words place the dish in a 13x9x2 or a deep cookie sheet that will hold at least and inch of water.
Baked until the mixture springs back firm but not too brown.

Easy Rum Sauce.

1 stick of butter melted
1 cup of sugar
1 egg beaten well
¼ cup rum

In a double boiler cook butter and sugar until it’s very hot, sugar is totally dissolved and thickening.
Remove from heat and beat in the egg until the ribbon stage begins. Add the rum.

21 November 2006

Get A Head Start Now

History and Tradition of Christmas Pudding

Does your Christmas dinner include a Christmas Pudding? If you lived in England, the absence of this delectable dessert from the holiday table would raise a few eyebrows. The pudding is the most special part of the meal, although families alter the way it’s cooked and presented to create their own unique traditions.

The first recipes of this pudding came from the Middle Ages. The ingredients for mince pie, as it was then called, were chopped poultry, pheasant, partridge, and rabbit. Later sugar, apples, raisins, and candied oranges and lemons were added. In 1595, spirits, dried fruit, eggs, and breadcrumbs were added to the recipe and it became plum pudding. In 1664, it was banned by the Puritans as a lewd custom unfit for people who followed the ways of God.

In 1714, King George I re-established pudding as part of the Christmas feast even though the Quakers strongly objected. Meat was eliminated from the recipe in the 17th century in favor of more sweets, and people began sprinkling it with brandy and setting it aflame when serving it to their guests. The traditional cooking time takes about eight hours, with preparation taking even longer due to extensive marinating. The longer the fruit is marinated in brandy, cider, or both, the better it tastes and this could take weeks!

Some families add coins to the pudding for luck. Everyone then stirs the pudding and makes a wish. Those who get the coins in their serving get wealth, health, happiness, and their wish will come true. Some people even add gold rings to the mix to indicate the finder will get married in the coming year.

Source: Matthew Walker Christmas Pudding Information Service, Hungrymonster.com, Creative Marketeam Canada Ltd., Welford and Wickham Primary School, West Berkshire, England, Didyouknow.cd

Mrs Mackie's Christmas Pudding Recipe

A traditional recipe for a rich dark moist pudding. Ideal to be served with a brandy or whisky sauce.

The Ingredients to make 2 x 2 pound or 4 x 1 pound puddings
3 ounces of flour
5 ounces of bread crumbs
5 ounces of suet
1¼ pounds of mixed dried fruit
1 small orange
1 small lemon
1 small cooking apple
2 eggs
1 tablespoonful of treacle
½ teaspoonful of mixed spice
½ teaspoonful of cinnamon
½ teaspoonful of nutmeg
1 small carrot
6 ounces of sugar (brown or white)
4 ounces of candid peel
Pinch of salt

To make 4 x 2 pound or 8 x 1 pound puddings
5 ounces of flour
10 ounces of bread crumbs
10 ounces of suet
2½ pounds of mixed dried fruit
2 small oranges
2 small lemons
1 cooking apple
4 eggs
2 tablespoonfuls of treacle
1 teaspoonful of mixed spice
1 teaspoonful of cinnamon
1 teaspoonful of nutmeg
1 carrot
11 ounces of sugar (brown or white)
6 ounces of candid peel
1 pinch of salt

The Method of Mixture

Mix flour, bread crumbs, suet, and mixed dried fruit into a large bowl. Add grated orange and lemon rind and juice. Add grated cooking apple. Mix well. Add eggs, treacle, spices and grated carrot. Add sugar, candid peel and salt. Mix well. (Optional ingredient tablespoon of whisky or brandy).

Allow mixture to stand over night in a covered bowl.

Place mixture into well greased pudding bowls. Cover with grease proof paper and secure with string.

Pressure cook according to pressure cooker instructions.

Allow to mature for approximately one month before final serving, "watering" regularly with brandy.

When ready to serve:

Warm through using a saucepan of water on a low heat for two hours approximately, being careful not to let any water enter the pudding or the saucepan to boil dry.


The pudding may then be flamed at the table.
Pour over the pudding two tablespoons of high proof whisky and set alight.
Ideally serve with a brandy or whisky sauce.

Brandy Sauce
175ml (6fl oz) Milk 80ml (3fl oz) Brandy
2 egg Yolks
1 level tsp Arrowroot or Cornflour
1 tsp Light Brown Sugar
Blend arrowroot with a little cold milk.
Heat the remaining milk and when boiling stir it into the blended arrowroot.
Return mixture to pan and bring back to boiling point.
Mix together egg yolks, brandy and sugar.
Allow the arrowroot sauce cool a little, whisk into the egg mixture.
Cook without boiling, while whisking until the sauce thickens, if too thick add a little milk or cream to. Serve hot

19 November 2006

Useful Pursuits

The election is over. Thanksgiving and Christmas haven't yet arrived. The old Congress probably isn't going to do anything dramatic before the new Congress is sworn in. That takes care of politics until after the first of the year.

The Sunday morning shows somehow seemed terribly blah with the horrors of the war unchanging, the yammering about the Dem leadership vote dying down, TomKat officially joined in unholy wedlock, and the only scandal a 5th rate bit of garbage to air on Fox featuring someone who slaughtered their wife a decade ago, but garbage is what Fox does best.

That leaves sorting the CDs, DVDs and bookcases. Somehow they all manage to wander out of their proper alphabetized places and meander to visit friends. So Little Women is cuddling up to The Once and Future King. and for some reason The book of Common Prayer is next to The Victorian Household. I suppose those Victorian cooks must have prayed a lot over wood stoves.

Everytime I tackle this project, the variety of human interests and experiences never ceases to amaze. How in the world did the same species that produced Gregorian Chants (Third Shelf) come up with a performer like Meatloaf (Shelf Five). There is a DVD featuring Baryshnikov near the DVD for Usual Suspects, and for some reason To Kill A Mockingbird is hanging out near Callahan's Time Travel Saloon.

The history section goes from Panorama of the Classical World to 1968 The Year That Rocked The World, but what can you expect from someone who saw Happy Feet yesterday and will make an effort to see Bobby when it comes out at the end of the month.

So what is lurking on your shelves? Anything unusual in your interests?

17 November 2006

Happy Feet

Every once in a while you develop a genuine love for a celebrity you may never meet. Not the obsessive fan type, just a deep feeling that you would find a world without them missing something very special if they weren't around. For me that performer was Sammy Davis, Jr. He first entered my childhood as part of the Will Mastin Trio ... there in black and white making the world more colorful. For years in my married life he was my birthday present every year ... orchestra seat tickets each year getting a little closer to the stage.

Then there was The Ultimate Event with Sinatra and Minelli. (Reminder to self - buy DVD to replace VHS).

When I heard he had cancer, I hoped he would beat it and then when he passed away, he became the only celebrity whose death I actually mourned with tears.

Towards the end of his life, Sammy made a movie Tap that featured just about every great tap dancer still in existence. The youngest member of that cast was a remarkable teenager: Savion Glover. Naturally he has gone on to a great career of his own, mainly live performance in concert and on stage. This weekend those unbelievably talented feet have been put to a unique use. In cartoon form Savion Glover has become Happy Feet. If you need an excuse because an adult can't go to a cartoon alone, then borrow some children and take them out for a treat because the legacy goes on and everyone should know the joy of human achievement in the form of dancing feet.

13 November 2006

Rock On Congress

All of us aging boomers probably have a few photographs we wish weren't around.

Fortunately, Congressman John Hall has a sense of humor since interviewers keep bringing up a nice little song, "Still The One" and a group named Orleans.

That's him in front with lots of hair and no shirt, and that's him all alone all grown up with a little less hair, having finally acquired a shirt, tie and a little more dignity. By all accounts his constituents think he will do a good job. Of course most of them probably have a few memories of their own to go with the photographs that should never see the light of day and the skeletons in the closet you probably don't share with the kids.

So congratulations Congressman. Even Colbert couldn't make you look bad and that interview is now immortalized on You Tube and likely to come back to haunt you forever just like the above photograph. Enjoy your stint in Congress and for all of us who managed to finally grow up ... ROCK ON!

First the Deck Chairs Now the Rats

I'm reviewing the situation.
If you want to eat -- you've got to earn a bob!
Is it such a humiliation
For a robber to perform an honest job?
So a job I'm getting, possibly,
I wonder who my boss'll be?
I wonder if he'll take to me...?
What bonuses he'l make to me...?
I'll start at eight and finish late,
At normal rate, and all..but wait!

...I think I'd better think it out again.

Don't Cry For Washington Lobbyists

The story of the nice real estate deal by Barak Obama just came out and he has promised never, ever on a stack of bibles to ever do anything like that again. I always thought ethics were what you did when no one else was watching. Unfortunately, people who believe that have never met a politician.

Now that we have a new set of thieves in charge of the previous set of thieves, it will pay to keep a close eye on them. At least this group is likely to come up with a few things we might like. The last set wouldn't do anything and that allowed the White House to rampage all over the American public. For a few minutes all concerned seem to be on their good behavior ... a condition that may exist for one or two weeks until they think we aren't watching.

It is said that if you really want to get a mule's attention, hit him up the side of the head with a two by four. We just did this to the Republican party. Congress should be aware that a few of us are still carrying a big stick.

Rainy Days and Mondays

There are songs that you love for their association with something else even if the lyrics are foreign to you as a person. For me that song is Rainy Days and Mondays by Paul Williams

Talkin' to myself and feeling old.
Sometimes I'd like to quit;
Nothing ever seems to fit;
Hangin' around, nothing to do but frown;
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

It is pouring buckets today. The last of the leaves except for a few stragglers are now on the ground. It's November, the absolutely best month of the year.

Political season is over for a bit, so there are no pundit voices ranting or candidates advertising. Scarlet and I will think about that tomorrow. Despite retailers desires, the holidays haven't quite kicked into total frenzy in this break between Halloween and Thanksgiving. Gifts can be bought next week.

All the kittys are indoors snoozing contentedly, and there is no reason to go anywhere, so I may join them for a nap when not reading quietly, watching the fire, or just gazing at the mist outside the window. What an absolutely lovely day.

Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.

12 November 2006

Fading Stars

Most of the time, old age seems very far away. My connections with children and grandchildren plus an excellent memory of the past, keep me feeling young current on new movies, recent music, personalities, and bulletins in the news. Then something happens that brings me up short.

Two of these events happened this week one silly and the other serious: First there is a current, amusing commercial running with people talking about things that they knew about as a child that no longer exist, and second Jack Palance passed away of venerable old age.

I was almost the age of the child star Brandon de Wilde when Shane debuted. As such the heroism of Ladd and the villany of Palance made an impression. To this day the cry "Shane Come Back" immediately brings back the images. De Wilde died at only 30 in a car crash and Palance at 87 just a few days ago, making him the last of the cast to pass away.

All except one of the movies that appeared the year I was born were in small screen black and white. By the time Shane was released in 1952, virtually every motion picture was in Technicolor, Cinemascope, and Stereophonic sound. It was almost as dramatic a change in motion pictures as the move from silent to sound. Cole Porter even wrote a song about it for Silk Stockings.

The customers don't like to see
The groom embrace the bride
Unless her lips are scarlet
And her bosom's five feet wide

Jack Palance will be sorely missed by those of us from my era even though he lived long enough to be well known by a new generation. Virtually all of the stars of that age are gone now, though Esther Williams and Cyd Charisse are still hanging in there, and I will probably measure by own mortality by Liz Taylor's health.

Now as to that commercial, just a few of the things of my childhood that either no longer exist or have faded from daily use: Washing machines with wringers; unhomogenized milk delivered to the door; toasters shaped like a tent; and party line telephones.

So goodbye Jack. You had a good long run and now you will be missed, particularly by all of us leading edge Boomers running only a generation behind.

09 November 2006


30 NOV 1950

We are a military family. Some male in every generation back to the 1700s (and probably before) has donned the uniform of their country. Fortunately, all except one returned home safely to pass away of old age. Today is for Capt. Denchfield

By Judith Knight

We've all heard
This casual remark
And thought little of it
And just as well
For who ever heard
Of a frozen hell

Well listen to me
And you will know
Of the frozen hell
Where soldiers go
I can tell you now
How it was then
When I went to hell
And back again.

It was back in fifty
You know the score
When the Thirty-first
Went off to war.
We were the Polar Bears!
We'd been around,
But we almost lost it
On that frozen ground.

It was called Chosin
That frozen place
Unhabitable I'd say
By Gods own race
But there we were
At forty below with frozen ear
And frozen toe
With weapon frozen
To the hand
Then forced to fight
For this bitter land
Out-numbered there
By the Devils brood
Fighting to death
And dying crude.

We did not bleed
For our blood was frozen
There on the battleground
We recall as Chosin
And on we went
Our numbers small
To Hagarui-ri,
As I recall.

And even in Hell
A hero's born
And we had ours
That frozen morn
When Donald Faith
Redeemed us there
But stayed behind
In the Devils lair.

Like one before
A sacrifice made
He gave his life
For those he saved
Four thousand strong
Were nevermore
Three thousand lay
On the Devils floor

And of those left
To fight again
There were but a handful
Of Faith's own men
He led us out
That day from Hell
It's sacred ground
Where our hero fell.

A rag-tag lot
Half-frozen men
Half-able but willing
To fight again
And I am one
And you may be too
We are known today
As the Chosin Few!

07 November 2006

Monster Raving Loony

Now that another political season has passed and in the 24 hour break before the next one begins, I can reveal my true political attitudes. It was a wonderful night. All of my projections came true, but I hate politicians. Never has there been so many platitudes uttered in so short a period of time. The pundits pontificated. The smilers smiled. The true believers cheered and thank God it is over for a while. Now I can return to my true political calling.

I am a Monster Raving Loony and totally support its intelligent and necessary manicfesto. Now you might think that these deep thinking, ethical, and responsible beings only operate in Great Britain. Untrue! You may only be able to vote for them there if you are a British citizen, but world wide there are fellow travelers longing for a better world.

In a mad, mad world filled with power hungry politicians refusing to take responsibility for their actions, only being Loony will save your sanity. So go punch a few holes in the stuffier members of the political class. Become Pythonesque in your desire to support all things hilarious.

The Silly Ministry is now open for business.

03 November 2006

Computers Not So Humorous


Computers By Dr. Seuss as interpreted by Gene Ziegler

Bits Bytes Chips Clocks
Bits in bytes on chips in box.
Bytes with bits and chips with clocks.
Chips in box on ether-docks.

Chips with bits come.
Chips with bytes come.
Chips with bits and bytes and clocks come.

Look, sir. Look, sir. read the book, sir.
Let's do tricks with bits and bytes, sir.
Let's do tricks with chips and clocks, sir.

First, I'll make a quick trick bit stack.
Then I'll make a quick trick byte stack.
You can make a quick trick chip stack.
You can make a quick trick clock stack.

And here's a new trick on the scene.
Bits in bytes for your machine.
Bytes in words to fill your screen.

Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir.
Try to say this by the clock, sir.

Clocks on chips tick.
Clocks on chips tock.
Eight byte bits tick.
Eight bit bytes tock.
Clocks on chips with eight bit bytes tick.
Chips with clocks and eight byte bits tock.

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say....

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless,and your system's gonna crash.

You can't say this? What a shame, sir!
We'll find you another game, sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

and your screen is all distorted by the side-effects of gauss,
so your icons in the windoware as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!