Can You Hear Me Now

In the interest of exposing a bias on this subject, you should know that my very first job out of high school and for the next five years was as a telephone operator. Yes Virginia, there used to be these huge rooms in virtually every town filled with extremely patient women who assisted you in dialing the county next to yours, not to mention across the country and around the world.

They were governed by a rule book of statements and procedure set in stone courtesy of Ma Bell, and a violation of those rules could lose you a job.

In rural locations even in the 1960s there were phones that required an operator to "ring down" with a specific code so they knew which house on an eight party line needed to answer the telephone. They were the ones who called naval bases to find out which submarine was docked attached to which battleship and then waited forever because it was a "person to person" call.


In the days before 911, they were 911. When it took almost an hour to trace a call, they got to talk to strange people with odd telephone habits to keep them on the line until the police could find their telephone booth. If there was an emergency on the level of Katrina, whoever picked up that call got to stay with it for as many hours as it took for a governor to talk to the powers that be (Ask me about the Alaskan Earthquake sometime).

In the middle of the night they listened to the lonely and suicidal, dealt with drunken fraternity brothers being witty, and looked up numbers as they became "information" after midnight. Since they were information there was always some student hoping the operator was smart enough to come up with an answer for the term paper due the next day. They talked and listened, talked and listened, and talked and listened until the sound of a human voice was almost intolerable.

I always said that if I ever got to heaven and ran into Alexander Graham Bell, I would kick him off his cloud for full time residence in a much warmer climate. Well today is the anniversary of his receiving a patent for his infernal contraption. Despite my prejudice towards everything Scots, Bell doesn't get a pass on disturbing the peace and quiet for almost 100 years. This invention directly lead to people strolling down streets imitating the mentally ill and messages on movie screens to turn off your phones as if being unavailable for two hours would be the end of the world.

Bell imagined great uses for his telephone with special emphasis on services for the deaf, but would he ever have imagined telephone lines being used to transmit video images? Since his death in 1922, the telecommunication industry has undergone an amazing revolution. Today, non-hearing people are able to use a special display telephone to communicate. Fiber optics are improving the quality and speed of data transmission. Bell's "electrical speech machine" paved the way for the Information Superhighway, and now "wireless" makes world wide transmissions of speech from even the most distant of locations.

Yes it was a great invention, but don't expect me to answer the phone unless I love you a lot, and even then it will be a very short conversation.

VISTA - Don't Say You Weren't Warned

For my birthday my loving son gave me a new computer to replace the aged and decrepit over five year old one I had. This was a wonderful thing. Unfortunately it came with an atrocious abortion of a program from Microsoft called VISTA. The Office Suite was a thing of beauty and efficiency. So what should be done with them: Eliminate them of course!!!!!!!!!!!! Why let you have .doc when they can give you .wps that won't accept any of your old documents and doesn't work as easily.

Just to add insult to injury: After making all the document files unusable, they destroyed my ability to relax with all my old games that are no longer compatible. So what if I have hundreds of dollars invested in them. Well that is just too bad.

Should someone try to foist this piece of crud off on you, immediately run screaming for the hills even if they offer to pay you to take it. It is not worth your medical condition or sanity to go anywhere near the aggravation and expense.

Now maybe it would be bearable if Microsoft was willing to help you. Big fat laugh. They will gladly charge you for the privilege of speaking to a human being no matter how simple your question or they will direct you to their forums where thousands gather in frustration trying to sooth and support each other, but actually help either in writing or person in some language semi approaching English - HAH!!!

One of these days, they may claim to have fixed the bugs, incompatibilities, and non working meshes with other programs. Should they claim to do so, approach very gingerly with a club to beat the computer to smithereens should they be lying. It will save you from the high blood pressure that could kill you.

Have I Got News For You

We have just been through the "news" at its worst with the coverage of Britney and Anna. Now we are getting the "news" at its best with the exploding scandal involving the Veteran's Administration. For more than 75 years people have been "staying tuned" to find out what is going on.

The first radio newsreel, The March of Time, debuted on March 6 in 1931. The show, associated with Time magazine, featured dramatizations of news events, complete with music, sound effects, and a stable of actors to impersonate real news figures. There are times when you would swear they are still imporsonating the news itself.

The whole idea of "news" is that someone who was there is telling you what happened. It doesn't matter if it is Homer reporting on the Trojan War, the jester going from court to court to relay the goings on elsewhere, or the broadsheet posted on a printers shop window for someone literate to read to the crowd.

Now the MSM is becoming more than radio, TV, and Newspapers. Learning to sift your way around the internet can be a full time job as to whom to believe and when. Modern news is starting to come to terms with millions of "on the street reporters" all with access to a keyboard.

In the chase for ratings, networks are turning more and more to the sensational. In the chase for "news", people are turning more and more to the world wide web and all the "I was there" reporters with their blogs and You Tube postings.

And while I am at it, though it is a bit off topic, for all those who love "I Was There" reporting, the trailer for my all time favorite movie that you absolutely MUST rent or buy: 84 Charing Cross Road.




P.S. I gave you one of my favorite movies and here is one of my favorite books. Today is the anniversary of the birth of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, so your other mission for the day is to pick up a copy of "100 Years of Solitude".

The Heart of the Sea In One Blow

On of the joys in living on the west coast of North America is the annual migration of the Gray Whales from Alaska to the Sea of Cortez. Even from a great distance you can spot them because of the double spout that forms the distinctive Heart Shaped Blow. These huge gentle creatures make the trip to have their calves in Mexico. In many locations along the way, you can take boats out to view the whales from a distance always looking for the valentine blow.

In the Sea of Cortez during the season when the calves have grown to a safe size, you can get close enough to swim with them or pet them from the open boats. Once you have fallen in love, it is a blow to the heart whenever you hear of them being harmed in any way. Should you ever have the opportunity, try to make an echo of the trip taken by John Steinbeck and Doc Ricketts on the Sea of Cortez to see the hearts of the sea for yourself.