31 August 2010

The Queen's Meme - Cooking 101

Her majesty is feeling a wee bit peckish and wishes to partake of actual edible food.  In order to assist her in this endeavor, please visit the website for full instructions, sign in for sharing, and keep the poor woman from starvation.  Here is her pathetic plea for sustenance:  "I could use some cooking advice. In fact, I could use a LOT of cooking advice. Would you indulge me? If you've read my blog very long you know that my kitchen disasters are legendary. I have a few culinary questions for you. Please feel free to share recipes!! (and instructions on how to decode them)"

1. What is the best dish you can cook? - The children beg for "Goopies".  They are a sort of working mother's fast version of enchiladas.  Do not use this if dieting. 

Fry up 1 lb crumbled hamburger (season with that god sent spice:  Lawry's Seasoning Salt and Lawry's Garlic, add chili powder or tobasco sauce if you want some real heat)

Dump can of Enchilada sauce in shallow pan to heat
Put one can refried beans in bowl in microwave to heat
In Frying pan heat oil for frying corn tortillas
Grate cheese or if smart buy already grated "mexican yellow and white cheeses)
Chop onions or buy pre chopped.  I said this was throw it on the table fast food.

To assemble:

Fry a tortillas and drain on paper towels (two to four per person).  when ready to assemble:  Dip in enchilada sauce.  Move to plate, spread with refried beans, hamburger, onions and grated cheese.  Dip second tortilla in Enchilada sauce.  Top the concoction with this tortilla and sprinkle with cheese.  Repeat if stacking three or four deep.  Throw in front of child for gobbling.

2. Do I have to beat eggs or can I whip them gently? Sounds so violent to me. - Think reverse snow conditions.  Whips are required, chains are optional.

3. I am reading a recipe right now for Hearty Beef-n-Cheese Pie from a recipe book I dug out of the cabinet. The instructions read..."Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In large frying pan, brown ground beef, onion and green pepper."  I am already lost. Why must I turn on the oven and put the frying pan in it? And how does one turn beef AND peppers brown at the same time?!What color should the onion be?

Your majesty may I suggest that you use part of your vast wealth to hire a personal chef.  I do have a number for her.  You are far too important to spend your time crying over onions.

4. Did you ever cook something for your family that no one enjoyed and you had to throw out? - Actually no.  They have turned their noses up at various caseroles.  Not because it tasted bad, they just don't like caseroles.  At this juncture, I point to the milk and cheerios and tell them to rough it.

5. Why do all recipes say "mix sugar, flour and salt?" Don't they cancel out the other?  These are the teetotlers of cooking.  They all hang out together bragging about mixing sociallly and being "dry" and then they all go off the wagon together by mixing with the wets.

6. Why must you add eggs "one at a time" to a mixing bowl? Does anybody really know the answer to this question?  Have you ever tried to break more than one egg at a time?  Juggling doesn't work either.  Seriously, it is actually the best way to avoid a "bad egg".  In fact it is best to break them one at a time into a separate bowl, dump into the mixing bowl and then do the next egg etc.

7. Please post the recipe to something you think even I can cook.

This can be done in a cooking bag or in a crockpot.

1 Package dry onion soup mix sprinkle in bottom of bag or bottom of slow cooker
1 can musroom soup spread over onion soup
1 can water
1 7 blade chuck roast about 4 pounds  lay on top of soups
1 package of peeled carrots sprinkled around roast
6 red potatoes placed around roast

Either slow cook for three hours or cook in cooking bag at 350 for one and a half hours.


Anonymous said...


mmmmm...pot roast...ughughughgugh

carol g said...

Great recipes!! It's too early to be so hungry... I do enjoy your writing so much. It's time for me to come back to the blog world. I am trying (but obviously not trying hard enough).

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Goopies sound tasty!

Mimi Lenox said...

The Goopies look divine!!! I want one. Please send through the email.

I am going to try #7 soon and let you know if I poisoned myself and others shortly after. I just came from the grocery story. I should have read this earlier.

And wow, the sugar, flour and salt look like they're having a marvelous time. I should learn to cook.

Debster said...

Great recipes. Now I'm hungry and it's almost midnight. The enchilada thingy sounds mighty tasty...